i need a doctor

I'm about to lose my mind 

You've been gone for so long 

I'm running out of time 

I need a doctor 

Call me a doctor 

I need a doctor, doctor 

To bring me back to life

listening to this song over and over again. maybe till i can concentrate on what i'm reading. another paper tomorrow evening. Waste Management, need to read a lot but i dunno what i'm reading about and what i should read. confused.

maybe i think a lot. way too far and way too deep.

please.. i'm not strong. i think i can act cool but, i just can't stop thinking bout that. and i can't hold back my tears. i can act, i can lie.. nobody will know.. but i can't lie to myself.

damn. i can't focus and nothing in my mind now.

I told the world, one day I would pay it back.
Say it on tape and lay it, record it, so that one day I could play it back.
But I don't even know if I believe it when I'm saying that.
Doubt startin' to creep in, everyday it's just so grey and black.
Hope, I just need a ray of that
'Cause no one sees my vision
When I play it for 'em, they just say it's whack.
But they don't know what dope is.
And I don't know if I was awake or asleep when I wrote this.
All I know is you came to me when I was at my lowest.
You picked me up, breathed new life in me. I owe my life to you.
But for the life of me, I don't see why you don't see like I do.
But it just dawned on me; you lost a son. Demon's fightin' you, it's dark.
Let me turn on the lights and brighten me and enlighten you.
I don't think you realize what you mean to me, not the slightest clue.
'Cause me and you, were like a crew. I was like your sidekick.
You gon' either wanna fight when I get off this f-cking mic,
Or you gon' hug me. But I'm out of options, there's nothing else I can do cause... 

eminem. even i can't sing your part, i love it so much. your songs, all of them, so meaningful. and i love them all.

It hurts when I see you struggle.
You come to me with ideas.
You say they're just pieces, so I'm puzzled.
'Cause the sh-t I hear is crazy,
But you're either getting lazy, or you don't believe in you no more.
Seems like your own opinions, not one you can form.
Can't make a decision, you keep questioning yourself,
Second guessing, and it's almost like your begging for my help.
Like, I'm YOUR leader.
You're supposed to f-cking be MY mentor.
I can endure no more!
I demand you remember who you are!
It was YOU, who believed in me,
When everyone was telling you, don't sign me.
Everyone at the f-cking label, lets tell the truth.

You risked your career for me, I know it as well as you.
Nobody wanted to f-ck with the white boy...
Dre, I'm crying in this booth.
You saved my life, now maybe it's my time to save yours.
But I can never repay you, what you did for me is way more.
But I ain't giving up faith, and you ain't giving up on me.
Get up Dre! I'm dying, I need you, come back for f-ck's sake cause 

Im about to lose my mind
You've been gone for so long
I'm running out of time
I need a doctor
Call me a doctor
I need a doctor, doctor
To bring me back to life
Bring me back to life
Bring me back to life

but now, i don't need a doctor. nobody can heal me. i just need to stop thinking stupid things.

ya Allah, give me some strength.

mama, i'm sorry. i can't be there helping you. i love u.

and you.. i'm sorry too. i'm not strong. yes, i am childish. i don't know how to behave like a big girl. i'm sorry.

this is jsut a stupid post because i can't focus and kaklong, you're on my mind while i'm doing this stupid post.. and i love u too.

M A L A S ! ! !

M A L A S ! ! !

sangat malas

sangat-sangat malas

kunun mau study x pegi training tp at last, dok lepak aje depan laptop x tentu arah

mcm dh abes study la kn ntok next paper

dh la paper tu sokmo x pegi class

kalau pegi pn mcm x pegi je

mengelamun mengantuk segala

haaaaaaaaaaiiissssssshhhhhhh~~~~

sila la stop malas2 ni

xmo repeat2 paper Dr.Norziah...SUSAH tau x???

ok..tau.......susah

sbb tu malas nk study

x minat

cuba kalau paper yg aku minat

mst aku pulun je..mindmap cantek2 warna warni bagai

tp dh aku x minat mindmap pn mcm xde seri je walaupn still ada warna

sudah sudah

pegi study

study

tutup laptop

bukak buku

ok!

ni zaman bila tah study...dok study ZCA101 asenye..
buat2 rajen je..lalala~

kehebatan cinta!

tgh2 dok layan lagu sambil study..tbe2 dgr lagu yg jadi fav 2 org roommates kat kmpp dlu - kehebatan cinta by jamal abdillah & francesca peter. tbe2 rindu kat kakya ngan chima. dlu korang salu nyanyi2 kuat2 bising2 lam bilik nyanyi lagu ni..sampai lirik pn terbalik..huhuu~

Biarpun ombak merubah pantai
Kasihku tak akan hancur berderai

ni lirik yg betol tp korang nyanyi jadi ceni plak...

Biarpun pantai merubah ombak

hadehhh~ cene pantai nk ubah ombak?haha...mcm2 la kakya ngan chima ni. xkurang jgk mira. dia punya lagu lagi la mcm2..hahaha.


byk kn memori kita bersama? makan sme tiap2 ari..kalau gadoh pn still mkn sme2..then kadang2 masak2..tp kakya je la yg masak. kitorang serve ngan basuh2 je..ngan masak nasik, cz tu je yg mampu..hehe. rindu masakan kakya. rindu kopok lekor chima. rindu bau instant coffee mira. rindu korang..walaupun kita gadoh2 jgk, tp x dpt hilangkan ase sayang yg ade ni ntok korang..so far xpnah gadoh ngan mira ag..asyik gadoh ngan chima je..haha.and gadoh paling last ngan kakya. for me,that is the stupid thing we did. we shouldn't masam muka for the last few days kat kmpp. gadoh ngan kakya wat ikin hilang bape kilo tah..huhu.before this mmg xpnah nk turun berat kalau gadoh ngan sape2 pn. hope to see u soon. i missed u. a lot. chima dh jupe dh last 2weeks. walaupn kejap jadi la..2 tahun x jupe, dpt jupe 2 jam pn ase sonok dh. but i still miss u chima....mira xleh nk join kita..rugi. nti kalau ade kesempatan kita jupe kat sg,petani ek tang..hehee


kakya cepat2 la turun penang.nk tunggu ikin g johor ntah bila la agaknye...huhu. i love u guys. u make my life at kmpp full with memories. walaupun mtrik setahun je, tp ase cm setahun tu di isi ngan sepenuhnye. enjoy sgt...study pn mcm teratur je. skang ni xde nye nk study kalau bkn time study week. dlu tgk chima study pn dh jeles..skang ni x heran je kalau tgk roommate study.huhu... kakya, ikin xpyh study physics dh. xpyh la nk bising2 x phm physics..xske physics..haha. but mse sem 2 dlu dh amek physics..and i got a good gred..for me is good enough.. xpnah jangka nk dpt gred cmtu. *pdhal sebijik cam blaja kat mtrk dlu..haha*


ase cm nk g jogging je japg..tu pn kalau larat & x ngantuk la.. dlu kita salu jog petang2 kn kakya? tp kat sini ikin x ske jog ptg2 cz ramai. xbest ramai2..huhu. nk bgn awl tu kirim salam je la..mmg terrraaaaamat payah. kalau chima buleh la.. dy kan salu tdo awl, bgn pn awl.. pastu pasang radio dgr sinar. dh lama x dgr sinar cz jarang sgt nk dgr radio skang ni. dgr lagu lam laptop je.. lam laptop ikin ade game yg kita salu berebut nk maen tu. tp ikin x pro cz kakya ngan chima. yelaa,korang kn salu prektis..haha. kdg2 je maen.. but everytime maen mst tingat korang. again, i miss that time.


kalau nk cite sal memori kat A4.3.2 mmg penat nk type. lam kepala ni ligat je satu per satu memori kita bersama..setahun tu mcm sooooo many things that we share. sgt mcm2. really really really miss u all!


moga ikatan antara kita berkekalan.
salam sayang wat kakya, chima n mira......

...........~

i know i'm weak.
i know i'm not cool enough.
and i know i'm not mature enough.


i just want u to know it is hard to keep what i felt.
it is hard to keep everything alone.
and it is really hard to make u understand.
everything is just so hard for me.
i'm sorry..again.

i miss u......

friday evening

it was a short nap

about an hour maybe

*err..not so short la*

and i dream of u..both of u

but i am not so happy 

cz both of u just do things together

and leave me alone

watching from behind

and i just keep washing my hands.

*i don't know why i did that..huhuu*

i miss u both.really.

***************************************

kita sebaya kejap..hehe

smlm godek2 blog english kamu itu..then terbace ayat yg berbunyi:

i'll be twenty in two days.

so baru la tau birthday kamu arini.hahaha..pdhal kat fb ade je kn?tp nk wat cene,x penah nk tertengok.
but after all, i am the first person wishing u happy birthday kn?hehehe...*bangga2*
eh2,consider first person la kn?cz mama kamu wish x cukup jam ag..x aci la.hehe..


nk tuntut hadiah nti je ek..skang sila fokus exam..*konon*
nti atas gunung baru aku kasi hadiah.ok?hahaha!
so harus la pegi yongyap kalau mau tuntut adiah.. :P


listen,i care bout u so no need to feel sorry to me ok.
LANTAK PI LA KAT DEPA! hahahaha!

untuk KAMU. yup..kamu la!

KAMU!

xmo sedey2 ok..

x cool la sedey sbb org yg x cool..

biarkn dia dgn dunia dia,dgn hidup dia.

dia belum ase ape yg dia wat kat org.

so he'll never know.

one day,he will know.

the meaning of FRIENDSHIP

meaning of HONESTY

meaning of LOYALTY

eh eh,ape loyal2 pulak..

tp harus la ade ase loyal lam friendship kn?

kan? kan?

ok sudah.jgn ulang ag kate xmo g yongyap.

kasehan sye.sye mau kamu ade.

nk share experience yg pertama kali ini dgn kamu.

seriously, we know each other in just few months..

but i don't know why i have this kind of feeling.

but hello,i'm not a lesbo ok..

hahahahaha! x sanggup aku nk jadi lesbo.

Tuhan laknat kot..walaupn perempuan ag ramai dr lelaki,xkn ku pilih untuk jdi lesbo.

hahaha again.. :P

KAMU!

chill ok!

sye ade..adek ade..

jgn isau,biar la diorang nk cakap pape pn..

sampai diorang pnt bercakap,penat berkak6,

biar la kat diorang..

we can never shut a man's mouth.

(mcm pelik je ayat atas ni?betul ke?kimi pls correct my grammar.i hate grammar.haha)

i want to see u happy.

ok?

entry ini mmg untuk kamu.sila terasa.font pn gne fav kaler kamu..hehee :)

RibCage yg Saket.. T_T

buleh ganti ke cage ni dengan cage laen?

oh tidak...

mne ade spare part.. T_T

Doc! sakit tau doc dok penyek2 kan tulang sye...

sye ni bukan roti canai...hadehhh....~

cepat la baek..mau training..mau pigi yongyap dgn bahagia...T_T

ps: apesal font wana ijau nih??hentam aje la...~

sayang x terucap...~

i love u..i care bout u..

but i never tell u..

u should know that i love u. :)

ok,xde kaitan dgn en.beliau...hahaha

hari yg sgt kenyang.makan makan dan makan.

balek umah celebrate birthday kimi (my little bro).

mentang2 umah dekat,balek umah pg,mai balek usm ptg. :D

best jgk umah dekat ngan u..hehee

HAPPY BIRTHDAY dear bro..!!!

the 3 sentences above is for u. =)

and also blueberry cheese cake..for me,x sedap sgt pn.

chocolate indulgence ag best.maybe i'm a chocolate lover..so i x layan la cheese2 ni..

nih la cake birthday yg mampu dibeli ntok adek yg gumuk itu..hahaha!

cake yg dah x cantek sbb kimi x pegang elok2..

setelah mau kembali ke usm,singgah dlu kat tesco..

sbb mau beli tissue and hanger.baju dah makin belambak..

(baju free ade lambang usm je yg belambak..huhu)

tp terrr'pow' akak selendang la plak..haha

pasni ble la blajo nk lilit2 selendang dr wawa..

buleh kan wawa kan? :)

okeh..now sila study.

suda mau final tp x sedaq kediri ag..hih~

sila study.......~

haaaissshhhhh...~

study week kali ni la yg paaaaaaaaling malas.fullstop.

teramat sangat malas ok..x padan ngan amek 6 paper, buleh dok relax2 layan fb, bikin blog, kuar jalan2 ngan cousin+aunty2..

udah2 ler...bawak2 le study.tawu la 1st paper jumaat kn..lambat ag kn..but 2nd week nti ade 4 paper tau.pueh ati... T_T

so,sila study..........!!!~~

:: first :: pertama ::

at last!!! ade jgk blog..hahaa!

tgh2 study week buleh pulak wat blog kn..

sje try2..tgk2 menjadi pulak..hahaa

dah dah,tulih siket2 sudaa..~~