i need a doctor

I'm about to lose my mind 

You've been gone for so long 

I'm running out of time 

I need a doctor 

Call me a doctor 

I need a doctor, doctor 

To bring me back to life

listening to this song over and over again. maybe till i can concentrate on what i'm reading. another paper tomorrow evening. Waste Management, need to read a lot but i dunno what i'm reading about and what i should read. confused.

maybe i think a lot. way too far and way too deep.

please.. i'm not strong. i think i can act cool but, i just can't stop thinking bout that. and i can't hold back my tears. i can act, i can lie.. nobody will know.. but i can't lie to myself.

damn. i can't focus and nothing in my mind now.

I told the world, one day I would pay it back.
Say it on tape and lay it, record it, so that one day I could play it back.
But I don't even know if I believe it when I'm saying that.
Doubt startin' to creep in, everyday it's just so grey and black.
Hope, I just need a ray of that
'Cause no one sees my vision
When I play it for 'em, they just say it's whack.
But they don't know what dope is.
And I don't know if I was awake or asleep when I wrote this.
All I know is you came to me when I was at my lowest.
You picked me up, breathed new life in me. I owe my life to you.
But for the life of me, I don't see why you don't see like I do.
But it just dawned on me; you lost a son. Demon's fightin' you, it's dark.
Let me turn on the lights and brighten me and enlighten you.
I don't think you realize what you mean to me, not the slightest clue.
'Cause me and you, were like a crew. I was like your sidekick.
You gon' either wanna fight when I get off this f-cking mic,
Or you gon' hug me. But I'm out of options, there's nothing else I can do cause... 

eminem. even i can't sing your part, i love it so much. your songs, all of them, so meaningful. and i love them all.

It hurts when I see you struggle.
You come to me with ideas.
You say they're just pieces, so I'm puzzled.
'Cause the sh-t I hear is crazy,
But you're either getting lazy, or you don't believe in you no more.
Seems like your own opinions, not one you can form.
Can't make a decision, you keep questioning yourself,
Second guessing, and it's almost like your begging for my help.
Like, I'm YOUR leader.
You're supposed to f-cking be MY mentor.
I can endure no more!
I demand you remember who you are!
It was YOU, who believed in me,
When everyone was telling you, don't sign me.
Everyone at the f-cking label, lets tell the truth.

You risked your career for me, I know it as well as you.
Nobody wanted to f-ck with the white boy...
Dre, I'm crying in this booth.
You saved my life, now maybe it's my time to save yours.
But I can never repay you, what you did for me is way more.
But I ain't giving up faith, and you ain't giving up on me.
Get up Dre! I'm dying, I need you, come back for f-ck's sake cause 

Im about to lose my mind
You've been gone for so long
I'm running out of time
I need a doctor
Call me a doctor
I need a doctor, doctor
To bring me back to life
Bring me back to life
Bring me back to life

but now, i don't need a doctor. nobody can heal me. i just need to stop thinking stupid things.

ya Allah, give me some strength.

mama, i'm sorry. i can't be there helping you. i love u.

and you.. i'm sorry too. i'm not strong. yes, i am childish. i don't know how to behave like a big girl. i'm sorry.

this is jsut a stupid post because i can't focus and kaklong, you're on my mind while i'm doing this stupid post.. and i love u too.